Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
