Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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