he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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