The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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