This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
