Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i think i just lost a toe
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
