im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
