Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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