"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
