Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
