There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
