The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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