i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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