The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
