and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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