here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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