What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
