you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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