Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
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