No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
