I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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