I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
