Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
