I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
