Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
