I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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