Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
