i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
