Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
