he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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