People with herpes should wear stickers.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
