When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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