FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
