you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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