yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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