i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
