I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
