he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
