Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
