also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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