I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
