In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
