i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
