is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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