Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
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