I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize