I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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