is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
