I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
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