there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
