All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
