CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
