I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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