I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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