My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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