like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
