...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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