I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
