Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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