What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
