i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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