i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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