discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I have fence marks all over my body
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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