recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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