DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Never joke about your clitoris.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
