There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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