just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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