some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
