I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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