Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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